Massah's got me workin'
Sometimes I forget that those not in Dallas might wonder what the hell I'm up to. If you're not reading my law school blog. . . well, that's your good karma.

The short version is that law school is really just trade school. It's no different than going to automotive repair at the junior college, except I'm working on my brain instead of a small block (and of course, I get to call myself a "Doctor of Jurisprudence" when I'm done). There are already people in my class who have imploded and dropped out, and we're only halfway through the first semester.

My only concern is whether or not they get included in the class ranking -- I hope so. But word starts to spread. On the train today, one person gossiped that the person who had sat next to her had confided that, "I don't know if I'm really ready for all this," and that person never came back to class. One of the 15 people in my legal writing class didn't turn in his first memo, and we haven't seen him since. A girl who flunked out a year ago and got a second chance is "relying on the notes" she took the last time she failed, according to another report that ended with the observation, "Yeah, but aren't those the notes you took when you failed?"

I fucked up big time on my first writing assignment, but I also know that other people probably fucked up just as badly, but maybe on other issues, so we'll see how the grade distribution goes. I'm stressed, and my brain is pushed to the breaking point, but I love it. This, to me, is Thelema. The weak will fall and fail, the strong will carry on and grow stronger. I'm part of a system that doesn't give a shit about me, but if I perservere, the rewards are great. It's frightening and it's beautiful and it's just the way life is.

I passed by UTD this morning on my drive to the train station and reflected upon the fact that several professors there had pulled me aside to urge me to apply for the graduate program in literature. I was glad to find that I know that I made the right choice in choosing law school, instead. I have simply never been challenged in the way that I am challenged now.